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The Things We Carry

They say time heals all wounds, and to some extent, that is true. Time fades the pain. It slowly diminishes to a distant ache, still lingering but distant. You carry it wherever you go; instead of a grey cloud hanging over you, it's a gentle fog that sometimes passes. And that is okay; we are human; after all, we feel. Learning to live with the turbulence of a human life is not an easy feat, and we do it with great difficulty. It can turn life into an endless struggle, a fight for survival with nobody but yourself. We are complex beings, sometimes never understood by the closest people around us because, in reality, who really knows you?

Who really does? Nobody. 

Our minds are complex machines, churning endlessly, and to live is extraordinary. People may think it is a battle easily won, but those of us who have fought our entire lives for nothing other than to wake up the next day and fight again know life can be filled with the happiest times and the most intense pain. Every day is cherished.

Looking back, I sometimes see the person I was and wonder how life turned so drastically? But then I look at the person I am today, the person, the sadness, the pain and the trauma created, and I am proud. I am proud of the strength I forged; I am proud of my resilience. I am proud I can continue to face my struggles, and I know nothing will ever break me again. Once you live through a cycle of unimaginable pain, thinking every day will be your last and survive, you know where your strength lies. You know you have the strength to continue no matter what life thows your way. At that time when you are at your lowest, when everyone around you seems so far away when it is you fighting the demons in your head and you win, not without your scars, you know that when they return to try again, you will be ready, you will be prepared because you won before. You know the games they play, the words they spit, and the blows they throw, and with the armour you forged in the years while they planned their next attack, you will be strong enough to face them, to protect the child you couldn't protect before, to protect the woman you are today. 

You will win.


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