2. Dreams are not always what you expect Family and Tanzania
My family are from Tanzania, both my parents are born there and grew up there and most of my family still live there, excusing my fathers siblings and my mothers oldest brother. My extended family are toxic straight and simple. They are jealous spiteful people that love to gossip, spread rumours and instigate fights between people. For the month I've been here I've seen and heard more backchatting and bullshit than all my time in the UK. In all honesty I am sad and disappointed that my family are like this, living in the UK I never had any family expect from my mum's brother and hid family, and I would rather have no family then have them they are horrible people and that's the truth, if you have money they'll treat you like a god but if you don't you're treated worse than shit on the street.
I really thought that the rest of my family would be better, growing up without family made me yearn for them, it felt like I was missing out on a big part of life, but it was just a fantasy and that's what saddens me because family should be family they should love and support you but here I think family is just the blood you share and the title they have, there is no respect love or acceptance just discrimination, lies, jealously and hatred. This isn't family.
I also dreamt of growing up in Tanzania, having the freedom my father always talked about, going on safaris, spending eying with my family, playing carom in the streets in ramadan, celebrating Eid with the entire community, having family, cousins, friends and the sun. But I've come to realise that girls, don't have freedom here there is a norm put in place by society here implying girls and women to be fragile, unless beings that are incable of anything. Study they say, it will help you, have a career they say, you'll earn lots of money, get a husband by 25 they say, then leave your job , have children, stay at home being a housewife and that's that. It's fucked and I'm grateful not to be around that much of this back home, even though my mother has the exact same thinking. So yes I love this country, it'll sadly never be home but that's how its like for the children of the diaspora were neither accepted anywhere nor do we have anywhere to go, all we have is ourselves and that's good enough.